To 'have' or to 'be'?

To 'have', or to 'be'?

Written by Fraser Muir-Matheson

'I have' or 'I am', when 'I am not important here' at all.

Have you ever walked along a beach in a storm? The sound of waves crashing on the fore-shore and the wind blowing so hard that you can barely breathe? If you have, then you will know what I mean when I say 'having nothing' and 'not being important at all' - when 'survival' is more than enough!

To realise your frailty and insignificance, that 'having' things does not help you against such elemental forces, is something which many people around the world have experienced directly as flooding or 'exceptional' natural circumstances take hold of their lives.

You may strive to 'have', but it wont help when it comes to the need just 'to be', and if 'to have is no help, what about 'to be'?

'To be important'? 'To be a winner'? 'To be successful'?

The graveyards are full of important, winning, successful people, but did it help them? What is important then? To be what, exactly?

To be tuned in to the Universe? To be a 'good person'? To be charitable? To be a leech? To be a vampire?

How about 'to be whatever you want to be as long as it is not at the expense of others'? Why is the last bit important? How about because you really wouldn't like people doing things at your expense? You wouldn't like those who think it is important 'to be successful' to be successful at your expense (although how many times are you aware that you are being taken for a ride, that someone is taking advantage of you?).

It is also easy to think that 'having' enough makes these issues unimportant, when actually it increases the issues: more people wanting a slice of the cake - your cake! Enough people wanting to know you for the wrong reasons that you might wish that you had nothing after all?

It begins to look like there is some 'optimum' formula, some balance between too little and too much, some balance point between being nice to know and not being nice to know.

As I stood in my Garden feeding the birds and a friendly Robin came to say 'hello', singing their sweet song within arm's reach of me, it struck me how much I would have given for that moment, and yet the moment is repeated frequently.

To be in harmony with those things which are free to choose whether not they wish to be near to you. People are free to choose too, but often choose to stay close because they fear the alternatives more than they fear continuing in an unacceptable situation. Doing things not at the expense of others actually makes the situation in which you find yourself more attractive to those around you - a safe-haven where they can think and act freely without feeling threatened in any way.

How about 'to have the capacity to love unconditionally, and to be strong-enough to do so'?

My Robins bring me a gift every time I see them. They may just want the food I offer, but the communion with them brings something else. It is to me a manifestation of unconditional love and trust not just given but shared. A moment of such communion of spirit is so simple and so special that it always leaves its mark - a mark which does not demand anything from the memory.

As William Shakespeare put it:

....'For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with Kings'.